#35 Days of Dares #19 Dare to Get Past Rejection or Criticism
You have to know how to accept rejection and reject acceptance. (Ray Bradbury)
We’ve all experienced rejection and criticism. No one likes it. At all.
That feeling of your inner self being ripped apart and exposed in all its pain is excruciating.
Abandonment.
Loss.
Defensiveness.
Capitulation.
Despair.
Retreat.
Giving up.
These are all valid and common responses to criticism or rejection, in our personal and creative life.
No one enjoys any of these responses.
What do we do then when we are faced with the emotions resulting from the reality of a relationship ending or our work being criticised savagely?
Most people attack or retreat. I tend to retreat. I’m fairly passive and tend to run away and lick my wounds. Others lash out and reject the rejection or criticism.
I’ve developed a healthy regard for fair and reasonable criticism in my work. I still don’t enjoy it, but I can deal with it. Here’s a few questions I ask myself. They apply to my writing life, but can easily apply to any creative endeavour or even to some life situations.
1. Is it reasonable or valid? Take stock.Be honest with yourself. If it’s a relationship issue it’s usually two people involved and one person doesn’t make all the mistakes. (even though we like to think it’s always the other person!) What part do we play? If we’re honest, we usually do.
If it’s related to our work (in my life it’s my writing) it can feel just as personal as a relationship. I need to look at my work and be honest. No work is perfect, so is the criticism valid?
Criticism may not be agreeable,
but it is necessary.
It fulfils the same function as pain in the human body;
it calls attention to the development of an unhealthy state of things.
If it is heeded in time, danger may be averted;
if it is suppressed, a fatal distemper may develop.
Winston S. Churchill
2. Can you fix it? Can we adapt or change what we are doing to make things better? I took my first novel to a respected editor and she pulled it apart in a six-hour one-on-one session and presented me with pages of typed notes. ‘It’s good,’ she said, smiling, ‘but it’s not ready.’
My heart sank as I thought of the excitement I’d experienced when I typed The End on my manuscript. I looked at the notes, thanked her. I didn’t argue. I went back to work and rewrote, following her advice.
If you want to be a professional artist,
but you aren’t willing
to see your work rejected hundreds,
if not thousands of times,
then you’re done before you start.
Mark Manson
3. Can you keep taking criticism and rejection and keep going? If I’m to call myself a professional writer I have to accept that criticism and rejection are going to be par for the course. I need to recognise this and keep going if I believe that being a writer is my vocation. When I took my newly rewritten novel to the US after eight months, I presented it to a potential agency with a well-written proposal. They liked me. They were interested. They read my book. They rejected me. (Well, they rejected my writing!) They told me it wasn’t good enough.
Oh the hurt and anger that surfaced. ‘But they liked me. I’ve rewritten and still my work is not good enough?’
The inner me, didn’t want to be hurt. She wanted to give up and run away. ‘Go back to teaching. That’s all you’re good for,’ the voice in my head said.
But, I didn’t I went back to the drawing board and rewrote that novel again.
To avoid criticism say nothing, do nothing, be nothing. Aristotle
4. Can I do something different to help me achieve my goals? I decided I needed to learn more. I signed up for conferences and workshops, I read craft books, went to Summer School at Oxford, a writing retreat in Tuscany and kept writing. I found a great editor who gives me honest feedback and a critique partner who questions me. Instead of giving up, I adjusted my sails, dug in, pursued my craft and kept working.
I can’t change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination. Jimmy Dean
5. Do I still believe in my purpose and vocation? I believe each one of us has something planted deep within us by God that only we can do. A lot of people write books. You just have to look at Amazon and realise that hundreds of people each day are releasing books. In all of this noise why would my voice make any difference? If my work has been criticised or rejected does that mean that the calling is any less real? Do I want to run away from my destiny, calling, purpose, or whatever name you want to give it or do I run, with all my might, towards it?
Criticism and rejection can propel us to be better at our work, to be better people and to see our dreams come to pass. It takes bravery and guts and a whole lot of work to keep going after the hurt of criticism, but it is possible to get past it. Dare to Get Past Rejection or Criticism
But instead of spending our lives
running towards our dreams,
we are often running away from
a fear of failure or
a fear of criticism.
Eric Wright
#365adventure is a book lover’s year of adventures. Adventures in travel, friendship, family, soul, heart and, of course, book stores!
