Retreat

This crash had been coming a long time and my retreat wasn’t a quiet withdrawal, it was more a full-blown defeat. My inner supply of whatever it was I needed to go on was done. Someone said to me recently, ‘But you don’t work. You don’t have a job.’

I know what he meant. I don’t go into an office in the city every day. I don’t receive a salary. I realised we haven’t had a day off this year.

Between recovering from two surgeries, my son’s wedding, our daughter moving interstate, we’d released my husband’s new book, I’d released a new book, we’d travelled to Italy, Noumea, and several other places, my aunt had an accident and needed care. And that’s the short version.

Something had to give.

What does it feel like?

Skinless.

Every request, every loud noise, every conversation scraped at my soul and I screamed, ‘Stop. Stop it!’ inside.

So, last week I retreated (ran away) It didn’t feel like a choice, it felt like running away from danger. My friend, Paul Mc Gee (the SUMO Guy) calls this Hippo Time.

My husband flew out at 4 am last Friday and I flew into bed and stayed there for two days.

I slept.

My starting date was 21 October and will go until 30 November.

This coincided with a planned trip to Sydney to visit my daughter and a writers’ conference. Then, my friend Andrea invited me, and a few others, to stay at her house on the Gold Coast for a week to write. I have a looming deadline for a novel in December so this was perfect timing.

But, it’s not just about writing. I do a retreat every year, but usually the motivation is work, learning and professional development. This retreat is more about my emotions. It’s about acknowledging that I’m not doing well. It’s about acknowledging that I need a rest. It’s about acknowledging that my mental health is not great.

God hasn’t invited us into a disorderly, unkempt life but into something holy and beautiful – as beautiful on the inside as the outside. 

1 Thessalonians 4:7-17

My companions in this journey are Shauna Niequist and Hank Fortener. (I’ve never met Shauna, but have met Hank) I’m a big believer in bibliotherapy so Present Over Perfect is my text. Podcasts are also my brain food of choice and Typically Hazardous is my current input.

Three songs are on my constant playlist. Deeper (Riverview Worship), Touch The Sky (Hillsong United) and Oceans (Hillsong United) encourage me to sing. Singing lets out feelings. Sometimes I cry. Sometimes I smile. Sometimes I just listen. The words are poetry to my soul.

If you’d like to join the retreat journey, subscribe to the blog. Perhaps buy Present Over Perfect. This retreat is going to be a change point in my life. I know it.

I’m learning how to recraft a life marked by meaning, connection, and unconditional love.