Silence

In the noise, we hear voices of not good enough and you’ll never do it.

In the noise, we feel the tension and stress of busyness in our bodies.

We’re scared that we’ll find even darker places in the silence and perhaps not be able to face ourselves, but grace is found  in silence.

We know our adrenalin levels/cortisol are too high when we feel skinless and jumpy and super-sensitive.  That’s when we know we have to do something.

Not all of us have the luxury of being able to go away to another place, but we need to get away.

When I had two babies, my away was the shower. I’d shut the door and take the longest showers. I’d calm myself, self-soothe, think, have space, wash off the day. It was a baptism of sorts.

I’d emerge, if not completely renewed, at least refreshed and energised.

Finding our away is so essential to our souls.

This past month has been about retreating. This is not just a practical management of my diary, of my life, it’s a reframing, redefining.

Elizabeth Gilbert recently quoted an older friend:

She said that every thoughtful woman, every ten years, should take some time to be alone with herself, in order to reexamine the direction of her own life, and to decide if any alterations need to be made.

I’ve been alone with myself and have decided to make some alterations.

I’m saying no, so I can say yes to healthier things in the future.

I’m staying still, so that I can move again.

I’m finding peace in quiet and stillness.

I’ve been able to keep going for years by using skills I learnt—squashing, absorbing more and more, managing, making things happen.

Now I have to develop a new set of skills to see me flourish in this next stage of life.

In retreating I don’t just need to ‘keep my eyes above the waves‘, I need to learn to ‘walk upon the waters’ and allow my soul to rest in His embrace.

My soul is in need of some tender loving care.

My soul is in need of some grace.

My soul is in need of silence.