The Brave and Brokenhearted

Dear Brené,

As I dive into Rising Strong my life is being edited to pieces. The story is getting more convoluted and messy—more a *SFD than a polished piece of work.

In my head there’s this idealized version of my life. Sort of like the website It’s Like They Know Us. https://www.facebook.com/itsliketheyknowus?fref=ts

But in real life there are disappointments and heartbreak. I feel like I’m set up to fail sometimes. At others I want to just give up. Instead of a SFD it just feels like S***.

As a writer I know all about *SFD’s. You get the words down—rough, reckless words. Words that read like rubbish, but once you polish them the words flow like music and sing off the page.

The trouble with our SFD lives is we don’t get do-overs. We don’t get to rewrite the past. All we get to do is grieve, forgive and reality-check and, hopefully, move forward.

The thing that really stood out for me in this chapter is the way that rumbling with disappointment, expectations and resentment are all connected.

When my expectations are not met I feel resentment.

When I’m disappointed I feel resentment.

Christmas, birthdays, anniversaries are all occasions where expectations are resentments waiting to happen. (Anne Lamont)

How many times have I felt resentment when I was really experiencing the emotion created by disappointment or unmet expectations?

Experiencing hurt?

How many times have I let resentment simmer until it boiled over into bitterness?

There’s a common theme happening here, Brené. Healing hurts.

I have to bury expectations or dreams.

Relinquish the power of being right.

Relinquish approval.

And what do we get out of all that hurt?

Emotional, mental and physical well-being?

I suppose that’s a good-enough pay-off. I can live with that.

So if I bury my idealized version of life I’ll have room for the new?

What about my safety? What if it feels too scary to engage in the rumble and the reckoning?

You tell me to be vulnerable with people, tell my truth, rumble with emotions and be open.

What if I can’t be vulnerable and open with people who are hurting me?

Okay Brené. I get it. To be brave I need to be willing to be brokenhearted, disappointed, feel resentment and rumble with it.

I want to get to the brave new ending so I’m willing to rumble a little longer. I just wish you’d written this book thirty years ago. I could have saved myself from a LOT of this struggle, but as you tell us you can’t skip day two.

I can’t rewrite the story of my life, so I’ll take the first part with me into the next chapter.

I will write the next part with more confidence, authenticity, courage and daring.I will be one of the brave and brokenhearted.

It’s an exciting journey we’re on, Brené.

Until next time,

Your Brave and Brokenhearted friend,

Elaine xx

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Do you ever feel like your life is a *SFD?

*SFD= Shitty First Draft