#35 Days of Dares #10 Dare to Belong
We exist in a bundle of belonging.
Archbishop Desmond Tutu
I just read an interesting book: The Art of Belonging by social researcher Hugh Mackay. I’ve read most of his books as they give an excellent insight and understanding of our society.
Mackay’s thesis is: It’s not where you live, it’s how you live that’s important.
We are social creatures and loneliness is a growing problem amongst many people—even if they live with other people.
Here are some key points that spoke to me.
1. We all need a village. Whether we are urban, coastal or rural dwellers, we all need a spirit of community. We need to live somewhere we feel we belong. A place where people look out for each other, cook meals, collect mail, feed pets etc.
‘When we feel as if we belong somewhere, this kind of thing comes naturally to us. That’s what social creatures means.’ Hugh Mackay.
2. ‘We are at our best when we belong.’ Hugh Mackay. When we feel connected, supported, taken seriously and secure we feel more fulfilled.
3. Ask: Where do I belong? What do I contribute? How do the people in my community influence each other? We spend so much time navel gazing and thinking about our selfish needs that we are self-absorbed. Looking outside of ourselves, contributing and allowing others to contribute into our lives help us to feel like we belong.
4. There is no perfect place to live. Often we travel to an exotic location or a cute village in England and think, ‘This is the perfect life for us.’ It’s not where you live, it’s how you live, means that belonging is about being an active, contributing member of a community. Doing good for others in whatever capacity we can find.
5. We all need a herd or tribe. I find I have small circles of community.
There’s:
my family
an inner circle of friends
writing friends in a variety of groups
gym/exercise friends
church friends
work colleagues who are friends
neighbours who form a social group
community friends
I could go on. I picture them as small circles-each small circle is a herd. Some of them interconnect to become a tribe.
Research shows the optimum number in a herd is 5 to 8 members. Less or more than this brings problems.
‘Membership of an optimally-sized herd fuels our confidence and self-respect and reassures us that we are being accepted and valued. Hugh Mackay
We all need to belong. Some have large, extended families and they feel that is all the tribe they need. Others need to develop smaller circles of connection (herds) in order to feel like they belong.
Belonging is important. I dare you to belong.
