Dear Brené,
Well, we’ve made it to Chapter Four. Amanda’s become a ninja and is having an online personality crisis.
Jodie tried to skip Day Two, but found it impossible—just like you said she would.
I’m going to be straight with you, I don’t’ want to go into the Dark Cave of Reckoning. In fact, none of us want to go there.
Do we really need to go there if we want to deal with the underbelly of our emotions and Rise Strong?
In my last letter, I likened the Rising Strong journey to the Lord of the Rings Trilogy. After reading Chapter Four, I’m thinking I may just have signed up to be a Jedi Knight.
I do have a bit of Jedi Knight in me.
I have hit out at my enemies with lightsaber-like anger.
I run or hide when my emotions are stirred by the Galactic Empire of hurt.
I pretend that it doesn’t matter when I have Darth Vader-style father issues.
I know how to off-load hurt, bounce it off, numb and stockpile.
Is that why you told us about the scene where Luke Skywalker went into the swamp with Yoda?
It’s becoming clear that our quest is to rumble with the Dark Side.
We all know what the Dark Side looks like.
It looks like …
Off-loading hurt in sudden rage, sabotaging safety, creating fear.
Comparing, proving, pleasing, perfecting, out-performing, competing.
Skulling alcohol like cordial.
Swallowing pills like candy.
Devouring tubs of Ben and Jerry’s ice cream.
Stockpiling emotions.
Filling our body with emotional toxins.
We numb the dark and, in the process, numb the light.
When we scrape the underbelly of our emotions something ugly and terrifying is released.
You tell me that only the brave, the curious, the honest and adventurous will be able to face the Reckoning.
That the Reckoning is where we find out where we are now and chart a course for the future.
That rumbling with our emotions and strategising will see us live a wholehearted life.
That our quest is to choose to write our own story. Choose courage over comfort.
In this quest will I …
Recognize or deny?
Rumble or run?
Become curious or numb?
It seems you’re telling us that the emotional Jedi descends into the darkness and battles himself.
His weapons are stripped away.
Weapons don’t win the war of emotions.
Weapons don’t make us the heroes of our story.
Weapons make the people around us collateral damage in a war that is ultimately with ourselves.
BUT…
The emotional Jedi gives themselves a permission slip to feel emotion. They are present in the moment. Choose to pay attention.
The emotional Jedi decides to tell their own story, live their own truth.
They bring their light into the darkness.
Brené, if I accept the challenge to live wholeheartedly I need to not only be brave, but Jedi Knight brave?
Okay.
It’s scary, but I’m ready to leap into Chapter Five.
I’m ready to rumble!
Your friend,
Elaine
Oh the truth of “Weapons make the people around us collateral damage in a war that is ultimately with ourselves” I am on a journey – a difficult journey but one that requires me to only see today – now – this moment – and if I am faithful in that – bit by bit my story will be rewritten and I will find myself at the exact place that God always intended me to be at. Face my ( how dare you, don’t you ever, who do you think you are,) emotions gently and lovingly and inquisitively for the first time in my life. They are part of me – yet they carry fear and uncertainty and confusion. As I expose them to the Light after calmly assessing the situation in Truth I have a feeling that my last quarter is going to be my best yet.
Thankyou so much elaine, for your constant pursuit of truth. When we rumble with the dark side, I believe we can come through different. So so different. Such a massive week with the dark side for me, but I wanna see change. I want to live a more whole hearted life.
I’m the kind of person that knows internally I need to wrestle with my emotions, but I spend a lot of time avoiding that. The numbing strategy is my favourite! Unfortunately (or fortunately as the case my be), I eventually get to a point where I can’t avoid anymore. Either my body, or my relationships or my reactions tell me. It doesn’t mean it’s easy though!
Great post Jedi Elaine,
xx